The final day

December 19, 2005

I am so sad. I don't want to leave.

Do you think all of you could come here too, and we can live in the resort forever? I'm sure we could all be very resourceful together and think of a way to earn our living. Yesterday was another wonderful day. I was up early to do yoga, and there was no class. Everyone here only gets one day off each week, and yesterday was the yoga guy's day. It's too bad I didn't get to do yoga here, but next time I'm here, I'll be sure to catch some.

I was at the beach for a few hours, and then had to get ready for my scooter tour. It was really great to be on two wheels again, zipping down the road with the wind in my face. Even if it maxed out at about 60km. We went to the tallest bridge in Cuba, I think. It was impressive, and the view was beautiful. We also had the best Pina Colada in Cuba, and that was an
inarguable fact. They were made right in front of you with all the freshest ingredients, no mixes here! You added your own rum, which was good because they are quite heavy with the rum here, and we had to get back on the scooters, not a safe combination.

From there we rode to Puerto Escondido, which was a pirate cove in the 17th & 18th centuries. That was neat. We stopped in the fishing village of Puerto Escondido on the way back and went into the home of an elderly lady who makes bags, hats etc out of palm leaves. Her work was beautiful, but I didn't see anything that I wanted to buy. From there we headed back. On the way back, we had to slow down once because one of the very large cows, with very large horns grazing on the side of the highway decided it might be a good idea to check us out. The guide leaned on his horn and that was irritating enough to her to change her mind. Lucky thing, that. She was much larger than us!

We also had to stop at one point, off the main road, because a chicken was playing chicken - hey! that's where that saying comes from - with us. It quickly noticed it was really no match for us so flapped pathetically to the other side of the road.

Once we got back, I was feeling so stinky from the scooter fumes that I changed into my swimsuit immediately and jumped into the pool. It was a very nice last swim here, and I'm glad that I did it.

After that, I headed up for our last dinner with Agnes and Leigh. A bunch of others joined us as the evening progressed, and then we all headed to the entertainment for the evening, which was a fashion show. Very beautiful crocheted items here. I'm not coming home with any, but next time I'm here, I will definitely buy some.

Oh yeah, during dinner, there was much exchanging of address and taking of photos. I'm very excited to get my film developed to see all the great memories from this trip.

I'm heading out now to find oily Mario, who I don't think is so oily anymore, and try to get his photo, then to say goodbye to some of the great staff here.

We have to be in the lobby to go the airport at 3:30, and it's about 11:00 now, so it just doesn't seem like enough time. Especially since I really really don't want to leave.

I'm going to wrap this up now, so I can get as much time outside here as possible before going.

Next time I talk to you, I'll be back in Canada!

Tourist Tree

December 17, 2005

Buenos dias amigos!

You know, I love it here. To all of you who said that I'd wish I was here for two weeks, you were right. I really really am not ready to go back on Monday. The resort is beautiful, the people are wonderful, the food is good, the sun is out (there has been no rain, except in the evening, thank you for all your positive weather thoughts, I've been having them for you too!), there is so much still left to do and I'm not going to be able to. But what I have done has been great, so I'm going to have such great memories of this trip.

Yesterday I did get up early enough to get to the yoga class, but it had been moved to 10:30, so I went on the hike instead. The resort is surrounded by hills - that are called mountains - and the hike goes up one of them so you get an amazing overview of the property and the ocean. It was a good hike with a few stops to learn about some of the flora along the way. The first stop was at a Royal Palm, the symbol of Cuba. It's fruit is only used for animal food though. The next one was at the Tourist Tree. It is called this by the resort staff because it is red and peeling, just like the tourists! I really liked that one.

After the hike, I headed straight to the beach with Harry Potter and had a wonderful quiet day there. It was a good beach day because it was windy, so it never felt too hot. I only went in the ocean once, because it was cool enough, and I'm afraid that the wind will bring the jellyfish back, and they're scary.

I went back to my room and read and watched some tv for a few hours, then got ready for dinner and headed to the restaurant. I joined Agnes and Leigh for dinner, and we had such a good time. They're from Vancouver too, and have been here for two weeks, so know many of the staff, who were very happy to take the opportunity to entertain us. I have to say that Cuba has been very very good for my ego and self-esteem (are those the same things?). Everywhere I go, I'm getting called a beautiful girl by the men, and it's been so very very easy to make friends with people here. I know the vacation resort life is totally artificial, but I wish real life was more like this.

After dinner we watched the show, which was hilarious. They got four couples from the audience to compete against each other for funny money for the auction, and for a bottle of rum. We all laughed so hard at this.

After that, it was off to the disco. There was no one there when we walked by, we were going to the lobby bar, but the two staff there were waving us in, and we felt so sorry for them, we went in and started dancing. It turned out to be great fun in there! Because we were there, more people started coming in, so it turned out to be a fair crowd. One of the bartenders came out to dance with us, and I got to do a merengue with him. His name is Odietty and he's so cute (in a sweet kind of way)! I'm definitely getting his photo before I go home. I actually got to sit down and chat with him for a bit, and it was very interesting to get a sense of his life in Cuba.

Anyway, after that I hung out with Jenn and Agnes in the lobby bar for a bit, stopped by the hot tub to chat with David, Paige and Erin, and then headed home at about 2:30.

For some reason I woke up at 8 this morning, and although I'm tired, I couldn't sleep anymore, so I thought it was a great opportunity to come write again.

Today I'm going to do yoga at 10:30 for sure, then off to the beach for a few hours, then the scooter tour. Hopefully it will be another fun and exciting evening, as it's my last :o(

I hope everyone is really super, and I look forward to seeing you all when I get back.

Ciao! (I know that's Italian, but I don't know how to spell hasta luega properly, or even say it properly for that matter!)

The beaches and the bars

December 16, 2005

Well the last day and a half has consisted mostly of meeting new people and doing very fun things with them.

After yesterday's message, I headed back out to the beach for a bit, and then tried to join the percussion class, I couldn't find it, I think it didn't happen because everyone was so busy decorating the place for Christmas (cutting down palm trees growing in the lobby to be replaced with a cheesy fake Christmas tree, gag), but I did get in on the salsa class, and that was fun. Then I hung around and watched an auction, which was fun, but had to leave early to get ready for my 6:30 dinner reservation in the Italian restaurant.

Dinner was good, would rather have not done it on my own, but oh well. Afterwards, I went back to my room to relax for a bit. The entertainment last night was a magician, who was more funny than magical.

After the show I headed to the disco to get my salsa/merengue/cha-cha lessons from one the musicians here. It was a very sad state of affairs there, just a handful of people, and really no one dancing. And the musician had to leave, so that didn't last long.

Jenn and I and Mike and his girlfriend Stephanie headed out to the lobby bar, and just sat around chatting with various people as they came and went - until 3 in the morning! At that point I was feeling so stinky from all the cigarette and cigar smoke that was blowing around, I decided it would be fun to go for swim in the pool, so Mike and I jumped in with all our clothes on, as we didn't have our bathing suits. What fun! And I was sober, just in case you're wondering.

After that, we all hung around for a bit more, and then called it a night.

I slept in until noon today, thinking it was going to be pouring rain so it wouldn't matter, but I was surprised to discover it was another pretty great day. So I quickly headed to the beach, where I was planning on just vegging out. Pretty soon I got talking to Agnes and her daughter Leigh (from Vancouver) and then Amie (man) and Brian asked if I wanted to play horseshoes, so I joined in that. I was pretty good at it too!

Then Brian discovered I hadn't been snorkelling, and offered to take me out and show me how, so I definitely took him up on that!

I got some of the equipment from the resort, and off we went. It was really cool, there is a coral reef very very close, so we headed out to that. It would've been really fabulous, but my mask was leaking, so everytime I just started to get going, I'd have to stop and empty my mask. The water here was about 3.5 feet deep, so it wasn't a problem, but I scraped my knee on some coral standing up once. I'm kinda proud of my coral scrape now, but was annoyed at the time. Anyway it was a great experience, and I hope to do it again someday without a leaky mask.

Then, it was time for dinner, which I ate with David, and we went to see the show (cheesy) and then hung out at the piano bar.

I'm just on my way back to my room now, it's 11ish, and I'm determined to get up early enough to do yoga at 9 tomorrow morning, so it's going to be an early night for me!

No plans for tomorrow, but yoga, but Sunday I'm going on a scooter tour.

I have to wrap up now, I'm running out of time.

Hope everyone is super!

Havana continued

December 15, 2005

Hola everyone!

You most certainly got the highest highlight of the trip last night, but it was such a great day.

It started off at 9:30 when we met Ernesto, our guide, and boarded the bus to Havana. He was a great guide and shared lots of great info about Cuba with us. I now understand why it's so important to share what we can with the residents of Cuba. Although the government provides everyone with the minimum of what they need to survive, the extra basics are extremely expensive. Everyone only gets one bar of soap each month, for example!

And we saw the power plant that is built by Canadians. It was on the road right after the Russian plant, and looks so much nicer, but of course it is much newer. He told us that the Russian plant employs 120 people, where as the Canadian one only 4. And it produces as much if not more power. I'm not sure this is a great thing, because that means 116 fewer people have work.

Anyway, we arrived in Cuba and toured a Havana Club rum factory right away. I quickly realised that I didn't really care how rum was made, but stuck with it anyways. We got a free taste of the rum at the end. I don't like rum on it's own, especially at 10:30 in the morning. But it was nice of them to offer.

Then we did a walking tour, saw many sad, sick, skinny mangy dogs. If I had known, I would have brought dog food, not pencils with me.

We arrived at a town square where there was a school, and the kids were out running around. I asked Ernesto if it would be ok to hand out stuff to them (my bag was packed with pens & pencils, toys, soap, toothpaste & toothbrushes). He said I could give it to them directly or to the teacher. I chose the teacher. Poor woman was looked very hassled when I shoved the pens, pencils and toys into her hands. The kids were all swarming around and crying out for the presents. Then when we were done (Jenny handed out stuff too) the teacher got them all together and they all cried Gracias to us. That was cool.

By this point, we were waaaaaaayyyyyyy behind the tour. Jenny and I were definitely the rowdy delinquents of the tour. I didn't hear anything after the first stop, which was the hotel where Ernest Hemingway stayed, and they don't rent out his regular room to anyone but him. He's dead people, get over it! Anyways, we had a blast taking photos of the locals and the architecture.

There was one very cool moment when I came around the corner, and there, sitting in the doorway, was a woman who I had seen before! I've had an e-mail sent to me several times with a photo of a very old and wrinkly woman wearing George Burns style glasses, with a huge stogey doing something bizarre like the splits or something. This was that woman! I paid a peso to have my photo taken with her. I'm excited to see that one!

Then we were off to a famous restaurant (I can't remember the name of it, shame on me) for lunch. It's known as the place where the Mojito was invented though! It was a very good meal of chicken deep fried with some yummy sauce on it, rice and beans - yum, yum!, french fries (?!) and cucumbers, tomatoes and cabbage. Not keen on the cabbage, and it's everywhere here. Anyway the chicken was amazing, and I realised at dinner that night while is was have more delicious chicken that the reason is because it's real chicken! It's seen the light of day, it's roamed the earth and eaten good things with no antibiotics. I am now converted to free-range organic chicken only. Or maybe I'll just get some of my own. The yard is big enough!

After lunch we had free time at the market. First, Ernesto took me to a camera shop because my camera wasn't working, so I had to get it looked at. The guy there rewound the film in the dark for me, and it seems ok now. I'm going to have to start shopping for a new one though I think. Anyway after that I headed to the market, where I determined not to buy anything because it was just a tourist trap. That went out the window immediately when I saw the coolest sandals. They're on my feet right now, and I love them!

After the market, we took a driving tour of the Malecon and some other parts of Cuba. I was starting to get overloaded at this point, and didn't even get off the bus at the place where all the gov't offices are and where Castro makes his endless speeches. They were just boring buildings, whatever.

From here, we went to our 4 star hotel - 4 star means something very different in Havana than it does in Canada. We were separated into groups, and we each went to courtesy rooms to rest, shower and change for the show. We had plenty of time to wander around, so I went and bought some rum and cigars and another CD. I now have 3 new cd's. Then changed and headed to the dinner buffet, pronounced by Ernesto as boo-fete. Cute.

From there we loaded on to the bus again and drove to the Tropicana. It's outside! I didn't know that and was concerned about being cold. Didn't need to worry. I didn't really even think about how I felt, I just spent the whole time being awed by the show. Very cool experience, thank you so much Mom & Dad for sending me on it.

Afterwards back in the bus and back to the resort. But we had to make a bathroom stop in the countryside for me. Too many rum and cokes, and I really had to pee and the road was really bouncy, it was brutal. And what an experience a countryside restaurant bathroom is. Thankfully one of the people on the bus had toilet paper that she shared with me. Anyway, that's probably enough detail, isn't it?

Today, I managed to sleep in til 10am, and then headed straight for the beach. It's a beautiful clear, sunny day here today, and finally the ocean is swimable. It's very very salty! More salty than Vancouver's ocean.

I'm taking (obviously) an indoor break now, but will spend the afternoon back on the beach. I have lots of sunscreen on and just re-applied, don't worry!

I think I'll take a dance lesson at 4, and then I have a dinner reservation at the Italian restaurant for tonight.

They are predicting rain for tomorrow, and although I know you are all getting snow and cold, please think positive weather thoughts for me. I'm going to be bored out of my mind here on my own if it rains all day!

Ok, gotta go, the beach is calling.

I hope you are all well, and the winter isn't more than you can handle.

Havana

December 14, 2005

Wow.

Ok, I only have 7mins left in this session, so I have to be brief, more to come later.

It's late at night, I'm not even sure what time it is, and I just returned from a full and amazing day in Havana, what an incredible adventure.

The very very very best part though......I got to dance at the Tropicana!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The show was really spectacular, there were some cheesy bits, which made it even better, but at the end, most of the performers come down to the audience, and some of them asked audience members to dance. The girl beside me, closest to the stage didn't want to get up, so I got to!!!It was just a few moments, and not on the stage - I probably wouldn't have had the nerve for that - but it was really really fun!

Wow.

I'm pretty sure that someone else in my tour group got a photo of it, and she has my e-mail address, so hopefully I'll get to see it.

The day was really great. I handed out lots of pencils, pens, toothpaste, soap etc. And helped support the economy by shopping at the market. I bought my very first piece of real live oil painting art! And it was only about $30!

Ok, only 3 mins left, and this computer is very slow, so I'd better wrap up now.This has been a really really wonderful adventure, and I'm so excited for it to continue. Now my fingers are crossed for the forecast to change, and get some nice weather the next 3 days!

Cuba - day two

December 13, 2005

The adventure continues....

After writing last night, I headed back to my room where I channel-surfed for a while (there was a Spanish-language American Idol-type dance contest show on. The dancing was not very good, I think I should go on!) and then went to sleep about midnight. Turns out the time difference from Vancouver is actually 4 hours, and even though it had been a long day, it was hard to get to sleep when my body thought it was still 8pm. Anyway I did sleep eventually, and was only briefly woken by the party-goers heading home at about 2am.

The alarm went off at 8 so I wouldn't miss my orientation, and that was a tough one. I finally dragged myself up about 8:30, and wasn't very happy about it. But I made it out, and to the buffet about half an hour before the orientation. There I met Ellen and her daughter Jenny. They were on the same bus as me last night, and we had discussed the tipping issue so they knew me already, and being very friendly outgoing types, they came to join me at my table while I ate. Ellen is living in Grand Forks, BC and Jenny is in Ladysmith, on the island. Jenny sounds to be quite the traveler, talks about Mexico a lot and speaks Spanish.

Orientation was interesting. Glad I went, thanks again Mom & Dad. I don't think I learned much I didn't already know, but I did get more details on the trip to Havana. I've booked to go tomorrow, and I'm very much looking forward to it. It leaves here at 9:30am and doesn't get back until about 1:00am. The price was very good for what you get too. The morning sounds pretty jam-packed with a cigar factory tour (I think) and lots of other things that I can't remember. Then we get taken for a 'traditional' Cuban lunch and then we get free time in the market. After that, we get taken to a 4 star hotel to shower and change, and then spend the evening at the Tropicana. Apparently, you get a bottle of rum with each admission, and you get an ice bucket filled with mixes, so you just have at it. Should be interesting. Ellen and Jenny are going too, so it'll be nice to know someone else there.

After booking my trip to Havana, I just wandered around the site trying to get the place figured out. I tried to attend the dance classes, but they were at the pool, and I was looking for them at the beach (I double-checked the sign tonight, and it said they were at the beach!). While I was at the beach, I discovered horses! So I arranged with Mario, the horse guy, to go for a ride at 3pm. Then I wandered back to my room to put on my bathing suit and lounge around by the pool for a while. It was a very nice lounge, I finished the first Harry Potter book, and very much enjoyed the sun.

The horse back ride was nice too. The horses weren't exactly interested in going fast, so it was quite leisurely. I was the only one along with Mario the guide, and he didn't speak much English, and I don't know any Spanish. I managed to figure out that he thought I was a pretty good catch though, and would like me to stay in Cuba - with him I imagine. Sheesh. He did pick me a very beautiful hibiscus flower. We rode past his relative’s house, where I got a piece of sugarcane, and got to try drinking coconut milk fresh from a newly-minted coconut (yuck). They also gave me a piece of fresh coconut - I watched him hack it open with a machete - and it didn't taste anything like the coconut I've had. It wasn't sweet, it was soft and fleshy and it really didn't taste coconut-y. Weird.

After the ride (and wriggling out of having my hand kissed by Mario) I wandered down the beach to see where it went.
Today is a red flag beach day - no swimming allowed. The main reason, I think, is because there were jellyfish all over the beach. I overheard some other folks saying that they were Portugese ManO'Wars and that they knew someone who had to be put in the hospital for two days after tangling with one. Good enough reason for me to stay away! They are pretty though when they're washed up on the beach, I'm going to try to remember to take a photo of one.

Now, I'm just waiting for the supper buffet to open. I arrived half an hour early, so what better way to spend that time than by chatting with you guys!

The noise from the lobby area has diminished, so I'm thinking dinner's served, so I'm off.

I think I will likely not be writing tomorrow, as the big day to Havana is going to not leave me writing time, but more on Thursday for sure!

Cuba - look out, I'm here!!

December 12, 2005

Hola! I'm here! It's warm!!!

Although it's dark, I've already been for a walk on the beach, in my bare feet and shorts. Long sleeved shirt though, that cool ocean breeze, thanks for the heads up Mom & Dad!

The flight was awesome. I couldn't have planned a better one. The plane wasn't full, so I got an entire row for myself, and stretched out and slept pretty much the entire time. We even got here a half hour early because of strong tailwinds. Excellent!

Getting through customs in Varadero wasn't fun, not a problem, but it just took a VERY long time. And I somehow managed to choose the slowest line. But I got through, and that's what matters.

It was very strange to be inside a building that smelled of smoke though. I love Canada for the no indoor smoking rules.

I had visions of my luggage going round and round the carousel while I was in customs, but once I got through I discovered that it seemed to be having an adventure of it's own that it was enjoying, and didn't quite want to join me yet. After about 20 mins it arrived though, and the next stop for us was to change my money into the tourist currency – the Cuban Convertible Peso or CUC. Interestingly, it seems the exchange rate was better at the hotel than the airport, but only by a few cents, so I don't think it's going to break me.

After that, I handed 8 CUC's over to the two fellows who swooped down on me to 'help' me find the bus that would be taking me to my resort – they almost took me to the wrong one, good thing I was listening and paying attention! - and roll my luggage to it for me. After which they stood there expectantly.

The tipping dilemma began.

Because I didn't have any decent change, and only a 1, 3, and 5 note, the one with my heavy suitcase - that I had to pay an extra $56 to get here because it was 8kilos overweight and Air Transat charges $7 per extra kilo! - got the 5 and the other got the 3. I figured out afterwards that all total that tip cost me about $13. Oh well, I hope now that I've got that mistake out of the way, it won't be happening again.

I have an orientation to get the lay of the land tomorrow morning at 10, and then I'm off! I've already sussed out the yoga schedule and that happens at 9:30 every morning. Glad I brought some exercise stuff with me at the last minute! There are also dance lessons on the beach at noon, and percussion lessons at some point in the afternoon. They offer a morning hike, a walking tour, aquacise and various other activities.

There needn't be a dull moment from the looks of it!Overall, this has been a really great start to this vacation, and I just know it's only going to get better from here!

This internet room is open 24hrs a day, so I'll be writing again with an update of my activities. I hope all is well in Canada!

Spring is here

I wonder if the arrival of spring, even if it's only in theory the past few days, is related to me feeling so much better about myself and my life?
I had an amazingly wonderful, if tiring, weekend. I finally understand why people don't want to come back to work on Monday (besides having to get up to a buzzing alarm). When your personal life is so busy, fun and fulfilling, it's hard to put it on hold until the next weekend.
Not that work isn't busy, fun and fulfilling, it's just a different kind of those things. It's having to be somewhere and do something because someone else is paying you to do it and expects it of you.
I wonder how much the world would change if people were allowed to do what they felt was exactly the right thing with their time, instead of filling others' expectations of them.

Hello again

It's been almost a month since I wrote last. Time flies!
One of my key obstacles in keeping this blog is that I don't have a computer at home, so need to squeeze in time to write when I'm at work. And work has been busy the last while.
But, here I am today, still busy, taking the time to write. Sometimes it's important just carve out time for your own things.
It's a grey and rainy day today. We've been very spoiled with beautiful, sunny and mostly warm weather, and it's a bit hard to swallow such a harsh change in the weather. Today is the sort of day that makes you just want to stay in bed with a really good book and a nice warm mug of tea.
In the time since I last contributed to this blog, life has gotten really good. I'm almost afraid to say it, because then it might go away, but I think for the first time in my adult life, I'm happy!
It's an amazing and wonderful feeling.
I have learned so much in such a short time about who I am, where I am and how I fit in this world. The key thing is that I learned really fully and truly that I, and I alone, am responsible for my own happiness, and I am no longer waiting for that 'right' person to do that job for me. It's such a wonderful and freeing feeling.
Life is good.
Wow.

...and the sun just keeps shining

I can't believe it's been a week since I wrote last. Valentine's Day was a week ago. It seems like ages, thank goodness.
Last week was mostly a good week.
I cut the ties with the dying relationship. Finally. I let the other off the hook of my expectations, and ended up giving myself my freedom back in the process.
It's a wonderful thing to feel in control of your own life again.
Now if only I could stop dreaming about him.
Life does go on though, and there is so much hope out there. The sun has been shining relentlessly for the last number of days, and I love it. There are buds popping out on the trees, and crocuses and snowdrops blooming everywhere. It's just a matter of time before we start seeing the beautiful pink and white buds of the plum and cherry trees.
I made another important decision for my life last week, and that was to allow myself to do more of the things that I enjoy.
I learned to run just over two years ago, and went straight into training for and running 1/2 marathons. I was really enjoying the sense of accomplishment.
The natural progression was to start training for a marathon, which I signed up for this winter.
The problem is I'm not enjoying anything about it.
Last year at this time, I was struggling with depression, and along with my dog, running was my saviour. It made me get out and do the distances that had been set out for me.
This year, I just can't find the same motivation. I'm not enjoying it. It's as simple as that.
Time for a break.
To train for such distances, there are many aspects of life that must be adjusted, and in some cases, given up. Things like going dancing on the weekend, or staying out late Saturday night. Although the running group was very social, it was interrupting my other social life. And I want it back.
The decision to give up the marathon training was not easy, but now that it's been made, it's very freeing.
Just like in giving up on my dying relationship, a world of possibilities has opened up for me.
What a wonderful feeling, and a wonderful time of year to feel it.
The world is full of potential!

Smart woman day

In the midst of a very painful and drawn-out split with an important person, Valentine's Day falls. What a cruel joke of fate.
I don't have a great history of Valentine's Day to start with, so my expectations are usually low, but this year (as with thoughts about my long term future) I had let myself give in to the thought of a wonderful day, and evening spent with someone who really cared for me, and who I really cared for in return.
Instead, I made a point of wearing all black today, and doing all that I can to avoid realizing what day it is. And trying not to cry.
Then, a good friend sent me the following message....

Today is I.V.G.L.D.S.W. Day (International Very Good Looking, Darn Smart Woman's Day), so please send this message to someone you think fits this description. Please do not send it back to me I have already received it from a VeryGood Looking, Darn Smart Woman!
Remember to live by this motto: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid insideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up,totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

I think this sounds like a very good thought, but I'm not doing a very good job of living it right now.

Politics

I attended a political function as part of my job this week. It was the first thing of this sort that I've ever been involved in and it appears I did well, as I've been asked to be a representative at another one, which features the provincial leader, next week.
I think there are many occassions when I need to learn to curb my enthusiasm for doing the best I can at whatever it is I'm doing.
There was a brief conversation with the cause of my anxiety and worries yesterday. He sounded really good. Two weeks away, playing in the snow with good friends, was clearly a good thing for him. I'm sorry it wasn't such a great thing for me.
I really appreciated the time away from him to think and talk about where we've been, where we are and where we should go. I just didn't have loads of fun doing it.
At some point over the next few days we will see each other, and decide what role we will be playing in each others lives for the next while. I'm looking forward to getting my thoughts out of my head, heard and acted on.

Angst and the story of my life

Why is it that I'm always letting myself get into a twist about things? I know I put lots of pressure on myself to do the "right" thing to make the "right" decision and do the best that I can. Why though? How do I become one of those people who can just ride the wave of life and enjoy it for what it is?
Taking things at face value sounds like such a wonderful thing to be able to do. So does living in the moment. I'm perpetually fretting or feeling anxious about something I said or did, or worrying about what's going to happen later, tomorrow, next week, next month. I know that there is very little value in that, and I'm letting the wonderful things about right now whiz on by me by doing that, but I can't seem to help myself.
I struggle to be positive, open and in the moment, and then beat myself up when I'm unable to do that. It's a vicious cycle that I can't figure out how to break.